Complicated Risk Read online

  “It seems silly to sacrifice your second in command for that.”

  “I think he was banking on him getting through. Ted underestimates everyone because he thinks he’s better than they are.”

  “He’s always been a bit stuck up. I remember when we were walking through town once, a homeless man asked for help, and he’d been horrified. He’d sidestepped so that the man couldn’t get close to him,” I grimaced. “That should have been a warning bell. What do we do now?”

  “We wait.”

  I sighed. “More waiting.”

  “It won’t be long until Ted gets cocky,” Maverick promised.

  “And when he does, we’ll take great satisfaction in taking him down.” Matt grinned.

  “Hey, do you think you could teach me some self-defence? I want to be able to protect myself if I need to.” I asked them.

  “You won’t need to, but it’s not a bad idea,” Matt said.

  “So, you will?” I asked him.

  “I will,” Maverick announced.

  I bit my lip. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I admitted. It was a terrible idea. How was I supposed to concentrate on his instructions when my body was raging with desire? His touch set me on fire, and I wouldn’t be able to hide my reaction.

  “I think it’s a brilliant one.” Matt offered.

  Maverick threw him a look, one I couldn’t decipher, and Matt grinned at him.

  “I’ll teach you because I’m better at it than them, and besides they have things to do.”

  I frowned. “And you don’t?”

  “My job is your bodyguard, so I’m not leaving your side.”

  I sighed. I had a bad feeling I was going to embarrass myself.

  “We can start now if you like?”

  I shrugged. “It’s not like I have anything else to do.” I gave him a sheepish look. “Sorry.”

  “I get it. You’re bored. We’re all in the same boat it’s just that we’re used to it.”

  I smiled. “I’ll go and change.”

  “Drink your coffee first. I have to get the room ready. We’ve just been boxing in there, so the place is a mess.”

  “Okay,” That explained the sweat. Gosh, that was a sight I'd like to see. I watched Maverick leave the room, his back just as muscular and sexy as his front.

  Matt coughed, and I tore my eyes away to look at him. His amusement was annoying.

  “Go easy on Maverick, Ivy. He’s vulnerable.”

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to hurt him.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t mean physically, but I think you understand.”

  “I might understand if he didn’t keep throwing me mixed signals.”

  “He won’t stop yet. He’s fighting a losing battle.”

  I frowned. “You’ve lost me.”

  “You’ll see soon enough. Adrenaline and sweaty bodies tend to bring out the beast in people.” Matt said with a grin.

  I shook my head. “You talk in riddles, and I have to say it’s rather annoying.”

  He chuckled, not looking sorry at all. I turned my back on him and focused on my coffee. Swilling the cup, I headed up to get ready to train. I looked forward to being able to defend myself. I knew it would take me longer than a couple of hours training to learn anything important, but just knowing something could be the difference between life and death. If I could take it all in, that is. Maverick all sweaty in a white t-shirt made it hard to tear my eyes away. He was gorgeous. Ripped chest, bulging biceps, he was the stuff of dreams. He’d be strong enough to carry me. The strength of him didn’t scare me. Instead, I craved to feel it. To be held by him, to be wrapped up in his arms.

  Thankfully, Kate had seen fit to pack a workout outfit and a pair of trainers. I changed and pulled my hair into a ponytail. Taking a huge breath, I went back down to meet Maverick. My heart was beating fast already, anticipation ran through my body at the thought of being so close to him.

  ****

  “Again,” Maverick ordered.

  I looked up from where I lay on the mat and glared at him. Eleven times he’d thrown me on the floor. I could see what I was supposed to do, but I just couldn’t do it. Either I had two left feet, or the feel of Maverick touching me was messing with my equilibrium.

  “I don’t think I can try again,” I admitted.

  He offered me a hand, and as I slipped my fingers into it, electricity buzzed through me. I gasped, and my grip slackened, causing me to hit the mat with a small thump. Maverick reached down and stared at me grimly as his hands closed over my biceps, and he helped me to my feet.

  “You’re driving me crazy,” He whispered. His gaze locked on mine.

  “I am?” I whispered back.

  “Yes,” He said as he leaned down until our noses touched. “I don’t know what to do with you.”

  “Oh,” I said breathlessly. I was afraid to talk in case I broke the moment.

  His eyes dropped to my lips, and I sucked in a breath.

  “To hell with it,” he bit out before he cupped my face. His thumb stroked the delicate skin behind my ear, and I stared at him in wonder. I hadn’t seen this coming although I’d thought about it a lot. I imagined our first kiss would be sweet, but I was mistaken. He was looking at me like he wanted to devour me and I was all for it. When he leaned down, his eyes staying locked on mine. He sighed against my mouth, and then our lips touched his lips. I reached to grip his biceps, my knees suddenly weak.

  His tongue rubbed against mine, thrusting inside my mouth, tasting every inch, and I whimpered. Tingles started up my spine, and my toes curled. One of his hands cupped my breast, and I jerked in response. He stared down at me, his teeth nibbling his lip. So focused on his lips, I didn’t realise his intent until he broke the kiss and pulled my t-shirt over my head, leaving me in just my bra. He didn’t give me time to process the move before his mouth was on my breast. My hand went to his hair, and I held him against me as he sucked harder. He moved to the other one and did the same. I gripped the bottom of his t-shirt and tried to pull it off him, but it tangled around his head, and he broke away to finish the job. I placed my palms on his chest, moving them in a circular motion. Maverick’s eyes were shut, and he was breathing fast. I relished the feel of him. Running my fingers through the soft hair on his chest, I watched his nipples bead. I flicked a fingernail against them, and he cursed. Grabbing my wrists in one of his hands, he held them above my head, giving me nowhere to go. His mouth attacked mine, and he was kissing me as if I was the very air he needed to breathe. His body moved into mine, and I could feel every hard inch of him. He let go of my body, and his hands roamed down my side until they were at the waistband of my leggings. I shivered. When he slipped a hand past the elastic and reached down, I squeezed my eyes shut and stilled my movements. I wanted him so badly, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it right here, especially when anyone could walk in.

  He sensed my withdrawal and broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine.

  We were both motionless, both breathing heavy, and I tried to get my thoughts in order. I thought about asking if he wanted to take this upstairs, but it didn’t seem right. I wasn’t ready for it.

  He sucked in a breath and moved until there were a few steps between us.

  I sighed. I knew what was going to happen now. He was going to pull away from me, just like he had before.

  “Ivy,” he said quietly as he locked eyes with me. “I’m sorry. I keep messing up.”

  “Why do you?”

  “I can’t help it, I just…” he trailed off.

  “I get it,” I shook my head. “Actually, do you know what? I don’t. I don’t get it at all.”

  “I’m sorry.” He groaned.

  “You keep saying that. I can’t do this. I can’t have you playing with me like this. I think it’s best we stay away from each other. I’ll ask Matt or Lee to help me train.”

  His hands fisted, and I could see he was pissed off. “I’ll help you. I can’t have them
touching you.”

  “They won’t be anything other than professional.”

  “Lee might be, and if he touches you inappropriately, I’ll kill him. He may be my best friend, but I won’t allow him to put his hands on you.”

  “You have absolutely no right. Do you hear yourself?” I spluttered in outrage.

  “I know I sound like a prick, but you don’t understand.”

  “Then help me to,” I said almost desperately.

  He shook his head, his voice full of grief when he said, “I can’t talk about it.”

  “Then we have nothing more to say to each other,” I said miserably.

  “I’m doing you a favour. You’re not ready for this, you’re rebounding from Ted.” He told me.

  I glared at him furiously. “Do you honestly believe that?” I shook my head. “Ted beat me. He hurt me. He belittled me, and he made me feel cheap. He took away my freedom and my friends. The days he was nice to me were the worst because I knew that meant he wanted to have sex with me. I let him touch me. I let him use my body to keep him happy while I planned how I was going to get away from him.” I shouted. I could feel tears running down my cheeks. I didn’t know if it was because of the shame the memory brought me or because I’d finally shared what I’d been through, but I felt better for it.

  Maverick hadn’t moved through my speech, and his eyes never left mine. “Ivy-” he started, but I cut him off with a slice of my hand.

  “My feelings for Ted died the very moment he hit me,” I stated calmly. “I am not confused about how I feel, and I certainly don’t need you telling me I am just so you can make yourself feel better.” I picked up my t-shirt and pulled it over my head. “I don’t know what’s going on between us or rather what was, but I do know I’m out. We’re going around in circles, and I can’t do it anymore.” I heard his sharp intake of breath, but I didn’t look behind me.

  Holding my head high, I walked out of the door and towards the stairs. My shoulders dropped when I made it around the corner. I wiped the tears away. This was the last time I would ever cry over a man.

  Lee was just coming out of the kitchen as I walked past it, and when he saw my face, the smile dropped from his.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I said, but my voice broke giving me away.

  “What’s he done?”

  “He thinks I’m on the rebound.”

  He frowned. “I’ve told you all along he’s fighting you.”

  “He does not get to tell me how I feel.” I raged. “He makes me crazy. He’s pushing and pulling all the time. Just when I think I’ve found a way through his walls, he closes the drawbridge.”

  Lee chuckled. “He’s dense, Ivy. He’s looking for a way out.”

  “Well, he just found one. I can’t do it anymore.”

  Lee came closer. “Okay, honey,” he tugged me into his arms, and his hand rubbed my back soothingly.

  I sighed. “Life isn’t fair,” I whispered.

  “It’ll work out, sweetheart. I’m sure of it. He just needs time.”

  “Maybe,” I said noncommittedly. I moved from his grasp. “I’m just going to shower and change.”

  “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

  I tried to smile. “I’m a big girl.”

  “Yeah,”

  “I got my butt whipped. Do you think tomorrow me and you could practice, please?”

  “Is Maverick okay with that?”

  I shrugged. “He doesn’t have a say in what I do.”

  “I’ll help you then if that’s what you want.”

  “Thank you,” I grinned.

  “Go, I’ll find some cake to go with your coffee for when you’re done.”

  “You’re spoiling me,” I grinned again.

  “You deserve it.”

  “Thanks, Lee.”

  He shrugged. “Only telling the truth, babe.” He said.

  I blushed as I remembered what Maverick had said about Lee being unprofessional. Perhaps I jumped the gun a bit by asking him to help me. I didn’t want to send him the wrong signals, but I couldn’t think of a time that he’d ever made me feel like he had feelings for me.

  “I won’t be long,” I said as I carried on up the stairs. Once I got to my room, I sat on the bed.

  I just could not catch a break.

  What kind of secret was Maverick hiding that had him treating me so confusingly? If only he would tell me, so I could understand. I couldn’t believe that I’d blurted so much to him, but he’d really pissed me off accusing me of being on the rebound. How could he think I still had feelings for Ted?

  We’d almost made love, and I hadn’t felt anything, but love for him, which was utterly ridiculous given that I’d just met him.

  I wasn’t sure what to do now. I was stuck like a rock in a hard place, and it sucked. Between Ted and Maverick, I wondered if I’d even have a heart left once this was all over.

  Chapter Eleven

  Ivy

  That night the dreams came. Reality twisted with nightmares, all the things Ted put me through, which I allowed him to do to me, rose to the surface, and it wasn’t pleasant.

  I woke with a scream, my body drenched in sweat, and my heart trying to beat out of my chest. Lurching up into a sitting position, I tried to calm my breathing. Never had I ever had a dream that felt so real before. Ted had been here in my room, standing over me with a knife in his hand and a demented expression on his face. My door banged open, and I jumped as Maverick came rushing in. His eyes scanned the room before they settled on me.

  “Ivy, are you okay?”

  “It was just a dream. I’m so sorry.” I gasped.

  He dropped his hands to his sides, and I saw a huge knife in one of them. He looked to where I was staring and shrugged. “I thought you were being attacked.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said again as I wiped the tears from my cheeks.

  “There’s no need to apologise,” He came closer. “Are you okay?”

  “I can’t get away from Ted,” I whispered. “The things he did to me.” Shaking my head, I covered my face with my hands. “I feel so ashamed.”

  “Hey, come here,” Maverick said as he sat next to me on the bed and pulled my hands down. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Jesus, Ivy, you did what you had to in order to stay safe. I have no doubts that Ted would have hurt you if you’d disobeyed him.”

  I sniffed. “I feel so dirty.”

  “Ivy, honey, when you told me what you’ve been through, fuck, I didn’t know what to say. You’ve been so strong, so brave. Don’t let yourself give in to the fear. You beat him. Remember that. You got away from him.”

  “I got away from him physically, but he’s in my head, in my dreams. I despise him. I just want the memory of him wiped from my brain.”

  “If I had the power to do that I would.”

  “I wish it was possible.”

  “When Ted’s been caught, when it’s safe for you, you’re going to talk to a counsellor. You’ve been through so much. It’s not good for you to bottle it all up.”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  “If you don’t, you’ll go crazy. Trust me, I know.”

  “How do you know?”

  Maverick closed his eyes, his face strained. “I lost my wife a few years ago. I was looking into a case, got too close to the answers I was seeking, and someone didn’t want me to. To warn me off they murdered Gwen.”

  I gasped. “Maverick, I am so sorry.” That explained a lot.

  He nodded. “If I hadn’t talked to anyone about it, I would probably be dead right now. I blamed myself so much, I still do on occasion, but I know Gwen would hate that. I try, I really do, but knowing I was inadvertently the cause of her death is a hard one to swallow.”

  I lifted my hand to his cheek, felt the wetness there. “I am so sorry for your loss,” I said softly. “Her death is a tragedy, but it’s no more your fault than Ted hurting me is mine. Bad people do evil things, and good people are the o
nes who have to deal with the consequences.”

  He gave me a small smile, one filled with sadness but something else too. Was that hope? “You’re sweet, Ivy,” he breathed.

  “Did they catch the person who hurt her?”

  “I caught him. He’s in prison for life.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “I nearly killed him. I could have done it easily, too,” he admitted.

  “That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. Many times while Ted had me locked up, I thought about killing him.”

  “That’s normal.”

  “Yeah, but I realised I couldn’t do it. Even after all the bad things he’d done to me, I didn’t have it in me to take his life.”

  “I won’t hesitate. He’s a piece of shit.”

  “I wouldn’t want him on your conscience.”

  “He wouldn’t be. I wouldn’t give him a second thought.”

  “Oh.”

  “Will you be okay now?” he asked as he got up.

  I bit my lip. “I think so.”

  “Do you want me to stay?”

  I did, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask after what he’d just shared. My hesitation answered for me. He put the knife on the bedside table and lifted the covers. I heard his sharp inhale when he saw my white knickers. I’d chosen to wear just a t-shirt to bed forgoing the shorts, and it had ridden up to my stomach. I reached down to try to cover myself. Maverick tore his eyes away from me, climbed under the covers, and settled on his back. I stared at him a second before I lay back down. His arm slipped around me, and he arranged me until my head lay on his shoulder, my hand looped across his stomach. My stomach fluttered with butterflies and Maverick’s breathing quickened. That’s when I realised he was just wearing boxers and nothing else. I closed my eyes and counted to ten in my head, trying to calm down. He was trying to comfort me that was all; I shouldn’t read any more into it. I tried to ignore the feeling of his bare skin touching mine. I sighed softly and concentrated on my breathing.

  “Thank you for staying with me,” I whispered.

  His hand settled on my hair, his fingers gently brushing through it. The movement made me sleepy, and my body relaxed into his.